“It is the business of thought to define things, to find the boundaries; thought, indeed, is a ceaseless process of definition. It is the business of art to give things shape.” -Vance Palmer

The benefits of rapport are innumerable. But there is also a downside to it. It’s one of the early lessons I learned about the use of rapport.

I used to sell encyclopedias when I was young, and I would go into a person’s home, and I would sit down and I would get in rapport with them. I would learn about their family, about their little kids, about all the stuff that was going on in their house.

One time I was working in Washington in a little city that was undergoing some very difficult financial times. I didn’t know it before I started working in the area. But I had booked a room and made the travel plans and gotten into it and so I had to make some sales. I had a heck of a time getting appointments and when I finally did get appointments I would sit down with my prospects, and learn about them, and make my presentation, and eventually I would ask them, ‘Do you see the value in what I’ve shown you so far?’

‘Absolutely. I see the value. These are really great books.’

‘Do you see how with our question answering service, that your child can have any question answered that they need help with? This could be helpful on their reports, it could be just helpful in their learning and education overall? In fact, wouldn’t you like to use this, too?’

‘Sure. I’d love to use them and I know my kids would definitely benefit.’

‘Great, well, let’s get you started.’

‘I’d love to get these for my family, but the mill just closed. . .’ and then he went into his sad story.

I was in such deep rapport with them that after they’d get done telling me their story, I’d buy into it; I’d almost be in tears.

‘Well, of course, I can understand why you’re not going to buy anything from me today. We can always come back at a later time in the future, and if you have my information, we’ll be able to come in when you do have some money, when you’re able to get back to work.”

I did this day, after day, after day in this little town. I realized, all of a sudden, oops, I think this is kind of hurting me. So what I did, one day, is I didn’t have as much rapport, or so I thought, but they liked the materials so well and even though they didn’t have the money, they said they were going to go ahead and buy it.

After they’d bought it, they told me their sad story about how the mill had closed, and how they weren’t working, but their kids were so important to them that even though they didn’t have the money, their kids were most important and they were going to do it, anyway.

This was a revelation to me. They were not going to allow them to suffer because of their financial situation, and they would do whatever it took in order to get their kids the education they needed.

What this story illustrates is that I realized if you jump into rapport with somebody and get in there really deep, you might forget about your outcome. When that happens you become putty in their hands, instead of the other way around. We want the our clients to be putty in our hands.

Keep this in mind: maintain your outcome, your intention, what it is that you want to have happen and set that strongly in your mind no matter what they have to say to you.

Intention is what makes these skills so powerful. Your intention is not to make new friends, your intention is to sell.

Think about this before each and every sales interaction: what is your intention?

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